1. |
Breathing
04:03
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Walking the pier, up the plank to the ship, I took one last look at home. I turned my back and all was behind me, because my back was turned, and in order to walk forward, by definition, there must be something at my back…. At sea for a hundred days, a thousand. The storm came at night, the ship lurched, heaved. I went below deck and hid behind the barrels of gunpowder. I heard the thunder, saw the flashes of lightning through the side of the ship, through the slats in my brain. The ship rocked so, I vomited profusely. I heard the men above scampering, yelling. I eventually managed to take out my pipe from inside my jacket. Somehow I lit it. The smoke calmed my stomach, but irritated my thoughts: The barrels of gunpowder, a broom handle, a glass jar rolling back and forth. I suddenly felt compelled, from whence it came I know not. I pried open the top of a barrel, scooped some powder in my hand, and scattered it around the barrels. I tossed my pipe toward my handiwork. Then I chickened out and ran up to the deck just as I heard the explosion….
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2. |
Lost at Sea
02:01
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I awoke in the trough of a black wave, salt in my lungs, men screaming in the distance, fire floating along the ocean’s surface, lightning. At first I felt disoriented; the night sky had become thick, then sweet, then bitter and dry. I coughed, but beyond that was silent. It was horror. It was all my fault. My chest was gnawing at me from the inside out. Maybe guilt. And yet slowly, slowly I became calm. I had no choice. I closed my eyes and bobbed along in the dark for a long, long time. Quite enjoying it, actually.
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3. |
Insects Eat My Brain
02:45
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In my dream I feel no heat from the sun, just the lull of the silent water around me. I know I am smiling under the clear sky. Probably early afternoon. The palm trees sway. The waves sparkle. I am so happy! I think I want to live! As I float closer to the sand I notice a sensation on my lips, a tickling, amusing, annoying…. The heat is unbearable. I have sand in my eyes and gnats in my mouth. I sit up slowly and painfully….
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4. |
Starving
01:54
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After ten days, maybe a hundred, I have found nothing to eat. Not even a fucking coconut. I mean, come on. The sun is oppressive, cool shade from palm trees few and far between. I fall to my knees in the hot sand, looking in vain for something to follow, something to lead me, comfort me, remind me that nothing is my fault, that this isolation is simply happenstance and not the result of the ill will my memories have thrust upon me….
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5. |
We Had Somethin' Special
01:27
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I see my friends, acquaintances, strangers, lovers, standing on the rocks as the waves crash into them. I see them in silhouette, then alternately lit by a bright light, as if the sun radiates from their eyes. And their smiles as they look back at me seem grotesquely too wide and make me nauseous and cold.
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6. |
Drowning
02:41
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I stood up, wiped the sand off my body, turned around, and looked inland. The tall grasses rustled in the breeze. There was something more beyond the dunes, but I had no need for land. I looked back to the ocean. The sun was near setting. I began to walk toward the small, lapping waves. The water felt so cool on my feet, my thighs, my chest, my eyebrows….
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7. |
The Ocean's Body
02:45
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Somewhere in my brain I forget all things. I cannot remember why I ever left home…. I’m tired.
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